i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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