I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's always time for handjobs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
