I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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