Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
