SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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