I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
