im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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