Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
