Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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