There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When are your genitals available?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
