Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
