I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
