I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
