meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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