I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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