Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
