I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
