pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
