my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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