I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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