i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
