Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
