She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
