I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
