Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
