U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
