There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
