Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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