So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
