From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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