i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
