So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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