I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
