Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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