The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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