she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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