She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
