Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How naked do you want me to be?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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