My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
