my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
