We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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