Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
