So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
