the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
