apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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