Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
