I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
