im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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