If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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