new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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