Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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