and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
