So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
